Changing my routine

I realized something this morning:

I take it way too easy these days. I mean, I’m not exactly slacking – I’m doing pretty well at school, and have my hands full at work, but I have a lot of downtime each day where I just sit on my butt surfing the net or watching TV or something.

I normally wouldn’t be too worried about it. I guess that “worried” isn’t quite the right word – but I’ve noticed that when the weekend rolls around, I don’t have any change in my habits or routine. I’ve been “on vacation” all week, so when the weekend comes, I don’t notice the difference. When that relaxed, “getting by but not getting ahead” attitude became the norm, my brain got used to it. Usually it ends in feeling like I never got a weekend, so I feel more stressed.

So I should probably use my time better during the week. Be proactive with my homework and the like. And then really take it easy on my days off.

Then again, I might just be kidding myself. I have never been that person that can plan ahead, be diligent, and get stuff done on time. I always work best under the pressure that says something is due in just a few hours. Heck, I can’t count how many A’s I’ve gotten from doing that. Normal stuff that isn’t under pressure, however, scores lower. I wish I weren’t that way, but I am.

Maybe the question I should ask myself is, “Do I mind the way I lead my daily life?” Overall, I’m pretty happy. I’m at CSU now, free of a lot of the annoying crap that I put up with in high school, have a great job, and I live in a beautiful city. Yes, my routine errs on the lazy side. It’s in my genes. I still get the job done, though, and I feel like I’m on the right path. If I could change anything in my daily life, I would probably spend more time in prayer, and I would be more dedicated to my music.

I guess the thing that causes me to question this like I am right now, and makes me try to change and be something else, is that my way of getting things done doesn’t fit with the stereotypical formula for success. Supposedly, in America, you must focus on your goal, and never quit until you have achieved it; get where you want in life, no matter what you have to sacrifice in order to get it. Then, supposedly, you will enjoy a “successful” life.

More often than not, this distorted vision actually leaves people alone, rejected, in midlife crises, and slaves to the addictions they picked up along the way when they had trouble following this path to “success”. Blame it on capitalism. Blame it on Man’s inadequacy to admit his own faults and entrust his wellbeing to God.

I’m not saying that I’m better – or different – than people with this source of motivation. But since when is the supposed end result of prosperity the most important thing in life? I believe in the pursuit of happiness, but I don’t see “happiness” as a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I see a lot of potential for finding happiness along the way. The people you meet, the experiences that come and go… The many opportunities to make sacrifices as acts of worship, which are most pleasing to our God.

So I guess that I’m alright. It’s just hard not to buy into the lie that says something is wrong if I’m not working my ass off to the point where I freak out and lose touch with my true priorities and goals. Sometimes it feels like a form of academic peer pressure – “come on, everyone’s doing it!”