Dear iPhone:

We need to talk.

We’ve been together for almost a year and a half now, and it’s been great – I have few complaints. You’ve freed up space in my pockets by letting me leave my PDA and iPod at home. You’ve made me feel more liberated with Google Maps at my fingertips. I even hacked your SIM-lock so I could bring you with me to Spain, instead of having a fling with some Spanish phone. But I have a confession to make.

There’s somebody else:

Her name’s Pre. I feel guilty saying it, but she’s giving me unfaithful thoughts. And it’s not just her features (though I do like her tactile keyboard and revealing slider): she’s got a great brain, too.

She does picture messaging and syncs with cloud services. She knows how to copy and paste, something I’ve patiently overlooked with you since we first met. And – I know you don’t do this because it’s against your values, too “kinky” – but she multitasks her apps.

I haven’t done anything yet but I wanted to get it all out in the open now. I want our relationship to work, I really do, but if you don’t start to pull it together and do some of the things that the Pre does so well – you’ve been promising me push notifications since September – I might have to reconsider. Nobody else is getting in my pants pockets but you, but if you don’t start working on improving our relationship soon, I’m not going to stick around forever.

I hope you understand.

-Zeke